I’m so nervous, I want to throw up.

In all honesty, I am dreading sharing this so much, BUT I am staying true to my word and showing you the infamous photo…. A photo I took knowing that I was going to expose it to the world eventually…“When my transformation was complete” (insert laughing emoji). There is no end transformation when it comes to your health. I’m not quite where I want to be just yet (are we ever?), but I’m happy with where I am at in the process. Exposing this photo will only give me motivation to keep pushing forward.

I knew how impactful this picture would be for me when I took it, no matter how hard it was for me to take it or to share it with you. And here we are over 2 years later. What you don’t see between these two pictures is the up and down battle it’s been. Although I gained some weight back and lost it again, I never reached the level I was in this photo. I swore that I wouldn’t allow myself to get to the lowest point I was at just over 2 years ago. I was so unhappy. Sluggish. Fatigued. Drained. Unmotivated. Complacent. Lazy. Embarrassed.

The pounds don’t matter, but because I’m nosy and would want to know, I’ll let you know that I’ve lost over 30 pounds. (I’m not sharing my weight with you!) I don’t quite know how many inches I have lost, and I honestly don’t care.

I knew that I had gained weight, and I tried to convince myself that it happens to everyone. It was my “adult weight” BULLSHIT. I tried to convince myself that I didn’t care what I weighed. BULLSHIT. My eating had nothing to do with my moods or fatigue. BULLSHIT. I had tried everything I could to lose the weight. BULLSHIT. I couldn’t keep trying to convince myself of these things anymore. I was just dragging myself further down.

I could come up with a million excuses as to why things got as bad as they did. And I did. But the root of all those excuses was that I FELT SORRY FOR MYSELF.

Today? I’m lovin’ life! It isn’t perfect. Actually, I’m currently dealing with more shit now than I was 2 years ago. The difference is, a lot of my optimism comes from a combination of how I perceive myself, what my workout routine consists of, and what I eat. I feel better. I’m more focused. I’m confident. I’m not always tired. I don’t get embarrassed when I leave the house. I’m strong. I don’t have shame. MY CLOTHES FIT. Most significantly, I understand the importance of my physical health, especially the food I put into my body. I found out what my weaknesses are when it comes to food, and I am learning how to combat them. Listen, sometimes I go through these phases where I force myself to eat quinoa and spinach everyday for lunch. And then by Friday I eat 3 donuts before 9 AM…Not the best balance, but I could be doing a lot worse things. I just make sure I get up and start again.

A quote I have been living by for the past 2 years…

“You didn’t come all this way just to stop and turn around.” YOOOOO. Word.IMG_8778

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