As Promised

I can’t tell you how many blog posts I have started these past few days….or how many times I have started this one over. I’m annoying myself. Sometimes I have so much I want to say, and other times I have no idea what I want to talk about. This is one of those other times.

I’ve been in quite a fog lately. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s my current life situation, maybe it’s just this time of year. I don’t know, but the  fact of the matter is that I’m feeling very blah. I’m going to try my best to not allow this post to be that way though.

These past few months I have been living my life in extremes. One week I can’t sleep more than a few hours a night and the next I sleep constantly. I go weeks having to force myself to eat because I have no appetite and then binge for a week straight. But nothing dramatic is happening with my mood as far as I know. I’m not sad or upset or frustrated, but on the opposite end I’m not happy or energetic or content. I’m confused.

I know all of this will pass because it always does, but it’s just what I am feeling right now. I’m not looking for sympathy by any means; I’m just being honest with you as I promised I would be. I’m allowing myself to go through the motions as of right now, and if that includes binge watching Mary Tyler Moore and some days not getting out of my robe until 6:00 at night, then so be it.

There are a few things I have set in place for myself so that I don’t get too far removed from life’s agenda. I set an alarm to wake up by 7:00 AM on the weekends. (I have no rules against napping FYI.) I (try) to keep my house as clean as possible. This includes doing the most horrific chore imaginable… folding laundry and putting it away. Reading. I need to make sure I am at least getting some sort of reading in during the week. Seeing my therapist when I need to. Spending time with Rhemi. Working out. Last week was the first week I didn’t workout in awhile, and boy do I feel the consequences – mentally and physically. I’m not going to beat myself up over it though. I just have to get back into the routine. I try to make sure I get to the gym no matter what my mood is like. Lastly, listing things I am grateful for…I got the idea from someone when discussing journaling. I don’t know if it helps or not, but I will continue to do it.

Figuring out how to take care of yourself is the hard part, but you need to do it. I need to do it. Because taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do in this life.