Uhhh hey. hi. hello…It’s been awhile, my friend. You’re looking great.
….I really have no idea how to start an update like this after being in hibernation all winter long. With that, I’ll update you on what happened this past winter in a future post. But that’s some dark shit, and right now, I want this to be positive and uplifting and motivating, because that’s the vibe I’m feelin’. All of that darkness brought me to a place made of tranquility and breakfast tacos. Simply put, I’m in a really good place, and I want you to feel how good I feel right now. SO, I’m sending all of the positive vibes, confetti, and Tom Petty songs that I can your way, because you deserve this, too!
It’s probably only fitting that I am writing this in an airport waiting for my connecting flight to go back to South Dakota for the weekend (and finishing it in on my apartment living room floor Sunday night)…for the obvious big life update: I moved across the country. The move came out of nowhere to most, but there were a few others that knew about this throughout the entire journey.
Back in November, I got this irrational idea that I wanted to move away from South Dakota. So I went to my most logical friend and told her to talk me out of it. I thought I was being extreme. (I’ve been known to be a little extra sometimes.) Logically speaking, it didn’t make sense to leave. I had bought my house less than a year before that. I had a good job. I had the greatest support system a person could ask for all within driving distance from me. I had finally began making progress towards what most would call a successful life. I had a lot of accomplishments under my belt in such a short amount of time because at age 27 I was finally “getting it.” Why would I want to leave all of that?
Her response was simple, but she and I had no idea how much truth there was behind her words. “I think it would be good for you.”
So that’s when I decided it was time to focus on illogical and irrational dreams, because maybe there was something to this. I’ll have you know that this journey hasn’t let me down!
I’m loving the present, at peace with the past, and so excited for my future.
I didn’t know where I wanted to go at the time, but I knew I needed to go. So I started planning and getting everything in place for this move. I stayed relatively quiet about it, but it wasn’t a secret that I wanted to get out of South Dakota.
I don’t think people understand how hard I worked for this. The few people that I did tell about this didn’t take me seriously, but I poured myself into making this happen. Like, I now understand what that “grind” thing is people talk about. I almost gave up more than once, but I kept going. I ugly-cried sometimes. I questioned a lot of things. I was uneasy. The biggest challenge was that no matter how much hard work I put into making this happen, everything was out of my control. But I knew that I had to be prepared if/when an opportunity came my way. A quote I read during this time was, “If an opportunity presents itself and you aren’t ready, it just became someone else’s opportunity.” And that stuck with me. So I started checking things off of my list. But when it comes down to moving day, I don’t care how prepared you think you are. Because no checking off of lists can prepare you for the emotional heartbreak you experience leaving the only life you’ve ever known with the greatest people you’ve ever known. What an emotional ride that was. Oofta.
Leaving my people and everything I have ever known behind was so difficult. When I got a roommate, it was specifically because of this move. It was supposed to be a business transaction and nothing else. Plot twist – we talk everyday, and I love her and her daughter so much. I talk to and see my family more now than I did when I lived in South Dakota. And my friends? Well, they will be in my life no matter the miles that separate us from now until eternity, I have no doubt about that.
Life now? I actually didn’t realize how badly I needed to leave until I left. The relief I now feel is indescribable. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m able to live a normal life. I left so much literal and figurative baggage behind. I love going home to see my people, but I get such a heavy feeling every time I go back. I loved Sioux Falls, but we have a lot of history and our relationship had gotten toxic. It was time to move on. And now when I go back it’s like getting physically sick running into an ex. “Like, I dated that?”
I made a lot of sacrifices for this move. Actually, it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. And one of the best. You know how they say that good things don’t come easy? Word. That was in the back of my brain as I pulled away from my house and throughout my entire drive away from the only life I’ve known for 27 years. “This will all be worth it. Good things don’t come easy…There has to be truth to that.”
And whoever the eff “they” are were right. I’m happy. I’m at peace. I’m at ease. I love my life. I finally eat like a normal person. I’m more motivated at the gym than I have been in my entire life. I have energy. I am focused. More than anything though, I see myself differently. I wonder if this is what it’s like when people say you need to love yourself or whatever. (I’ll elaborate on that in a future post too, because there is so much to it.)
I deserve this. My life has been a shitstorm since I hit adulthood, and I’ve pulled myself out of the ugliness every single time. I’ve worked so hard to get to where I’m at. I am a gahhdamn warrior. I. Deserve. This.
rachaelbjerke 