The Don’ts of Online Dating

All aboard the hot mess express. I’m serious, I don’t have any do’s for ya because I’ve been doing it all wrong from the moment I clicked download. I’m a liability to myself at this point.

First of all, I downloaded three dating apps in one hour. I guess all my ambition for dating was used up in that moment…Definitely don’t do that. It’s overwhelming. Too much, too soon.

I let these apps send me notifications. Why? Why did I do that? No, I don’t care that drunken Henry on Hinge liked my answer to “You should not go out with me if…” at 3:00 in the morning. No, I don’t care that Trevor from Tinder messaged me; I’m trying to watch Bob’s Burgers on my phone before bed.

I wanted people to have as little information about me as possible, so I kept everything private and answered the bare minimum questions. It’s a great way to let people get to know more about you…

I connected my Instagram to these dating apps….not knowing it would actually link my Instagram account…I thought it would just make it easier to choose pictures to upload to the dating apps. False. Free range to my Instagram, folks! How did I find out my Insta was linked? I started getting compliments on my weight loss, and I remember thinking to myself, “That’s weird. I don’t remember sharing that picture on Tinder.” I was right. I never shared that picture on Tinder. Instagram did.

I got asked if I was German last night. I figured it was because of my….blue eyes? Weird question to ask someone with blue eyes, but okay. Then he mentioned he also knew someone that was German and had a weird J in their last name. I didn’t find it odd at first because I get asked about my last name all the time in real life. (My last name is Norwegian btw to anyone that cares.) It took me a solid 5 minutes before I was like, “Wait….How does this guy know my last name?!” So yep, my last name was displayed all over Hinge for 2 whole weeks without my knowledge.

Some things I’ve struggled with in the dating world…When do you tell someone you don’t want kids? Before you meet? After the 1st date? After the 3rd date? On your wedding day? Another thing that makes it awkward sometimes…I get asked to go out for drinks a lot. I don’t know how to make it publicly known that I don’t drink without it seeming off-putting.

I’ve gone on some dates. I’ve done some face-timing with a couple of people because apparently that’s a thing you do when online dating. I definitely hung up on someone last night, though because I didn’t want to keep the conversation going anymore. Plus, my phone was acting crazy, so that’s what I blamed. I am a very flaky person and canceled plans with someone and told him it was because it was too late, but in reality I wanted to go get tacos instead. I am constantly canceling or changing plans with people when I agreed to meet them. I’ve got countless unread messages because I don’t know how to tell someone I’m not interested anymore. Throughout this whole process, I have learned a pretty obvious truth about myself. I am selfish, and I am sooooo not ready to seriously put myself out there yet.

For those of you wondering, I haven’t received any DPs (praise Jesus). Although I did have a close call last night, so I unmatched real quick before I saw something I couldn’t unsee….I should have known… Not one of his Tinder pictures showed him with a shirt on. So don’t swipe right on dudes that radiate DP, no matter how attractive they are….You’ll know.

My status as of now on these dating apps? I got sick of Bumble first. How it works is the girl has to initiate the conversation, and I’m just not that motivated, but I don’t know how to delete my profile, so I just switched it to Bumble BFF. Do I have photos on there? I have no idea. Is my Insta linked? Probably. I’ve never even looked at it. I haven’t deleted Hinge or Tinder yet, but I’m sure it’s coming…and not because I met someone either. I’ll still talk to the people I’m currently talking to, but to be honest, dating just isn’t a priority for me right now. I’ll keep you posted if things change!