Standards

I told y’all I would keep you updated on my dating life. The only reason I haven’t is, well, because it went dormant for a time. I tried the online dating thing, and we all remember what a disaster that was. (And if you don’t, here is a refresher.) Needless to say, those profiles didn’t last long. I decided at that time that I clearly wasn’t ready to take dating seriously.

This is not to say that I didn’t talk to men here and there, but it wasn’t anything to write home (or blog) about, you know? And most of the men that I talked to actually were better friends than dating prospects. So if nothing else, I made a couple new friends in the process. (And they give great insight into my current dating life from a man’s perspective, so there’s that. Life in 2019 is so weird.)

Anyway, I recently decided to try dating again…more purposefully than before. I quickly learned that I needed to set standards for myself and any man that I find potential to be the peanut butter to my jelly. Those standards are as follows:

1. He has to have his shit together. We are not Chip and Joanna Gaines…I’m not looking for a fixer upper. He needs to have a healthy understanding and acceptance of his past, and NOT PROJECT THAT SHIT ONTO ME. That’s not to say that he can’t have baggage. Shit, I have 9 moving trucks full of it myself. But it’s all packed and organized neatly because I’ve done the hard work and dealt with it. And I’m realistic. I know that the older we get, the more baggage we carry. But it’s not about what you’ve been through, it’s how you handle what you’ve been through that matters.
2. He needs to be established financially and have a career and a plan for his future.
3. He needs to respect me. There are no exceptions.
4. I will not date someone that isn’t on my level. I know what I’m capable of bringing to the table. Match it or move on.
5. I recently had to check myself. I will not get lost in someone else. I am my own person with my own goals. I expect the same out of him.
6. I will not censor myself for anyone. If my spark disrupts him or makes him uncomfortable, he needs to do us both a favor and remove himself from the situation.
7. I want a teammate. I have never had that. But I’ll be damned if I settle for anything less ever again.
8. If someone isn’t willing to put forth the effort towards a relationship, I will kindly call it quits. I know that I’m a catch, and if someone doesn’t realize that, then I’m comfortable and confident in myself enough to understand that it simply wasn’t meant to be.
9. I’ve worked so hard to be where I am at mentally, physically, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. If someone tries to come into my life and doesn’t want to continue to grow in those aspects, I don’t want him around. I will not be brought down.
10. I won’t chase anyone.

Now, to answer the question you all came here asking:  Am I currently dating anyone? Let’s just say that I wrote this while simultaneously listening to coffeehouse love songs and shamelessly eating the ice cream I had delivered via Door Dash by a perplexed young man. If that doesn’t absolutely scream single lady then I don’t know what does. So, it’s not that I am currently seeing someone, it’s just that I am open to dating in a way I haven’t been in awhile. Just know that I won’t be taking anyone home for Christmas 2019 to show them what real snow looks like like they do in those cute Hallmark movies.

But at least I have these standards in place. They are so different than the standards I held in my early 20s. I’m much stronger than that 21 year old that got into her first abusive relationship thinking she wasn’t deserving of anything more. I didn’t love myself then, and learning to love myself this past year has brought about such huge shift in my life to include my dating life. I’m not looking for a project in another person. I’m not looking to fix myself through another person. I am fulfilled and happy just the way I am. I am progressing towards my goals and working my ass off to manifest into the best version of myself. I want someone to compliment that as we grow together. I am not okay with the idea of being brought down because another person isn’t willing to grow or isn’t on my level. I want someone to match my energy. If that means I have to wait awhile for that person to enter my life, then I’ll wait for the Universe to do its thing. I won’t go searching for it; I just know that I’m ready if it does happen.

And to all those wondering, I don’t foresee myself getting on another dating site again.