I told y’all I would keep you updated on my dating life. The only reason I haven’t is, well, because it went dormant for a time. I tried the online dating thing, and we all remember what a disaster that was. (And if you don’t, here is a refresher.) Needless to say, those profiles didn’t last long. I decided at that time that I clearly wasn’t ready to take dating seriously.
This is not to say that I didn’t talk to men here and there, but it wasn’t anything to write home (or blog) about, you know? And most of the men that I talked to actually were better friends than dating prospects. So if nothing else, I made a couple new friends in the process. (And they give great insight into my current dating life from a man’s perspective, so there’s that. Life in 2019 is so weird.)
Anyway, I recently decided to try dating again…more purposefully than before. I quickly learned that I needed to set standards for myself and any man that I find potential to be the peanut butter to my jelly. Those standards are as follows:
- He has to have his shit together. We are not Chip and Joanna Gaines…I’m not looking for a fixer upper. He needs to have a healthy understanding and acceptance of his past, and NOT PROJECT THAT SHIT ONTO ME. That’s not to say that he can’t have baggage. Shit, I have 9 moving trucks full of it myself. But it’s all packed and organized neatly because I’ve done the hard work and dealt with it. And I’m realistic. I know that the older we get, the more baggage we carry. But it’s not about what you’ve been through, it’s how you handle what you’ve been through that matters.
- He needs to be established financially and have a career and a plan for his future.
- He needs to respect me. There are no exceptions.
- I will not date someone that isn’t on my level. I know what I’m capable of bringing to the table. Match it or move on.
- I recently had to check myself. I will not get lost in someone else. I am my own person with my own goals. I expect the same out of him.
- I will not censor myself for anyone. If my spark disrupts him or makes him uncomfortable, he needs to do us both a favor and remove himself from the situation.
- I want a teammate. I have never had that. But I’ll be damned if I settle for anything less ever again.
- If someone isn’t willing to put forth the effort towards a relationship, I will kindly call it quits. I know that I’m a catch, and if someone doesn’t realize that, then I’m comfortable and confident in myself enough to understand that it simply wasn’t meant to be.
- I’ve worked so hard to be where I am at mentally, physically, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. If someone tries to come into my life and doesn’t want to continue to grow in those aspects, I don’t want him around. I will not be brought down.
- I won’t chase anyone.
Now, to answer the question you all came here asking: Am I currently dating anyone? Let’s just say that I wrote this while simultaneously listening to coffeehouse love songs and shamelessly eating the ice cream I had delivered via Door Dash by a perplexed young man. If that doesn’t absolutely scream single lady then I don’t know what does. So, it’s not that I am currently seeing someone, it’s just that I am open to dating in a way I haven’t been in awhile. Just know that I won’t be taking anyone home for Christmas 2019 to show them what real snow looks like like they do in those cute Hallmark movies.
But at least I have these standards in place. They are so different than the standards I held in my early 20s. I’m much stronger than that 21 year old that got into her first abusive relationship thinking she wasn’t deserving of anything more. I didn’t love myself then, and learning to love myself this past year has brought about such huge shift in my life to include my dating life. I’m not looking for a project in another person. I’m not looking to fix myself through another person. I am fulfilled and happy just the way I am. I am progressing towards my goals and working my ass off to manifest into the best version of myself. I want someone to compliment that as we grow together. I am not okay with the idea of being brought down because another person isn’t willing to grow or isn’t on my level. I want someone to match my energy. If that means I have to wait awhile for that person to enter my life, then I’ll wait for the Universe to do its thing. I won’t go searching for it; I just know that I’m ready if it does happen.
And to all those wondering, I don’t foresee myself getting on another dating site again.